YOU do not know me. You know one side of the story and feel that is enough to judge me. It’s not but I understand that your desire to do so is human nature. This is my attempt to set the record straight for all of you who have illusions of who I am and make assumptions on the life I live.
Contrary to popular belief….
• I did not marry I man that I barely know.
• I did not choose some guy over what’s best for my children.
• I choose to bring another person in to their lives who will simply love them.
• NO ONE is losing my children.
• I am not a bad mother, a heartless parent or out to hurt, destroy or attack. I am living my life.
• I am not callous and cold-hearted when it involves my children and their dad.
• Staying in Maine for ones whole life can lead to closed minds and narrow points of view and that evidence is becoming clearer and clearer.
• Loving my boys is not determined, measured or validated by the state we live in.
• Allowing my children to have new experiences might be emotionally hard but it is not cruel.
• My silence is a reflection of my desire to do the right thing not my inability to defend myself and the choices I make.
• I know that it hurts like hell and I know because it hurts me, too.
• They ARE still children and will adjust better than anyone wants to admit.
• Regardless of how they feel about moving, my children know that their dad and I both love them very much.
• If I was leaving and they were staying, they would be saying they want to go.
• You use words like “resent” to offer comfort it and it makes me realize how lost your morals are that you actually hope for those things.
• I could counter-act each attack that is made but I realize there is no benefit in that. Some people will only consider what they believe to be true. Other people’s opinions aren’t valuable enough to even bother with. Still others have no way of thinking for themselves and merely jump on with whatever everyone else is thinking. Regardless, there is no point in dealing with any of those.
• Adjectives cannot be measured. Words like “Great”, “Happy” and “Mean” are a matter of perspective and are not standardized ways of determining and measuring success or failure.
• Sometimes you can fixate on one side of a coin so long that you forget there is another side.
• Flaws do not ruin something beautiful unless you look at it and only see the flaws. While you might be in that situation, rest assured my children are not.
• My children have been raised with the strong and solid knowledge that they are loved deeply and completely by their family. Aren’t they lucky that family is a bit bigger now and there are more people to love them?
• I DO want what’s best for my children. It’s just my idea of best is different from yours.
• I DO get along with their father. Yes, we disagree at times but we DO get along. Even through all this, we have not fought. Great for our boys but real irony for you, don’t you think?
• They will do great. They were, after all, raised that way.
Now really, isn’t there somewhere else you can focus your energy since you seem so gifted in snap decisions and protesting? Solve world hunger, cure diabetes or end the war and bring our soldiers home? Seems kind of unfair that you are spending all your time focusing on fixing me when there are so many bigger issues in the world that you could meddle in.
Thanks.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Love me anyway...
Sometimes the sun shines on my days and sometimes it does not. Sometimes I laugh until tears come and sometimes I smile to hide the hurt. Sometimes it hurts to love but I have learned by now that it ALWAYS hurts not to. Sometimes I want to sleep in and other times I try and stay up late. Sometimes I'm surprisingly full of grace and sometimes....well, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm afraid of the dark, the water and the birds. And sometimes, I barely even notice they are there. Sometimes everything goes wrong and sometimes nothing does at all. Sometimes, I fall asleep mid-sentence and sometimes silence comes before sleep does. Sometimes I'm grumpily lonely and sometimes I'm beautifully, perfectly happy. Sometimes I eat pasta for breakfast and sometimes I eat cake instead. Sometimes I wear my clothes all wrong and sometimes I wear nothing at all. Sometimes I stand on my own and sometimes I let myself hang on and lean. Sometimes I push too hard, too long and too much and sometimes I don't push nearly enough. Sometimes I laugh too loudly and sometimes when I don't get the joke, I don't laugh at all. Sometimes I am late for everything and sometimes.....well, there really is no other sometimes to go along with that. I'm just late. That's all. Maybe you could just love me anyway though....at least sometimes?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Waitin' on Uncle
You probably don't want to really hear about how much I miss my husband but I do. I am now counting the days until I can see him (even though Uncle still hasn't provided us with an exact date yet). I always feel like part of our home is missing; part of our life. Up until this point it was something I pretty much accepted and adjusted to the key words are "up until this point". Now, it's not so easy anymore. For me, it is always the hardest at the end. I just miss him. I guess it's really that simple.
I've started saying goodbye. No, I don't actually speak those words. Not yet. Not when we don't have a date or a post. Now though, I'm conciously aware when I visit that it just might be the last time. I visit anyway though; never letting on that we might not walk this way again. I haven't hid the fact that I'm leaving but at the same time, time is relevant and you can get so busy living life that days quickly turn into months before you turn around. And I'm no good at goodbyes. I cry, my heart hurts and as loved as I feel in that moment I also feel completely alone. So I won't spotlight that the last time will be the last time. I'll simply let the days fall off the calendar quietly and without fanfare. It's easier that way.
Sexy Beast said he has to start reading my blog. It's another way for us to stay connected while he is on one coast and I'm on the other. (Note to self....no mentioning his birthday gift on here!). Although with his work schedule, I doubt that he'll really have the time. He's starting taking classes now as well so there goes what little free time he has. And with that we add just another reason that I'm so very proud of him.
Allergies are acting up so for now I'm going to bed. I'm sorry for the boring blog. I'll do better...I promise. Something exciting is bound to happen over the weekend. It usually does! Wish I knew how many more of these Maine weekends I have left. Really looking forward to this Army way of life!
That's all for now....the rest will come!
I've started saying goodbye. No, I don't actually speak those words. Not yet. Not when we don't have a date or a post. Now though, I'm conciously aware when I visit that it just might be the last time. I visit anyway though; never letting on that we might not walk this way again. I haven't hid the fact that I'm leaving but at the same time, time is relevant and you can get so busy living life that days quickly turn into months before you turn around. And I'm no good at goodbyes. I cry, my heart hurts and as loved as I feel in that moment I also feel completely alone. So I won't spotlight that the last time will be the last time. I'll simply let the days fall off the calendar quietly and without fanfare. It's easier that way.
Sexy Beast said he has to start reading my blog. It's another way for us to stay connected while he is on one coast and I'm on the other. (Note to self....no mentioning his birthday gift on here!). Although with his work schedule, I doubt that he'll really have the time. He's starting taking classes now as well so there goes what little free time he has. And with that we add just another reason that I'm so very proud of him.
Allergies are acting up so for now I'm going to bed. I'm sorry for the boring blog. I'll do better...I promise. Something exciting is bound to happen over the weekend. It usually does! Wish I knew how many more of these Maine weekends I have left. Really looking forward to this Army way of life!
That's all for now....the rest will come!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
The Story Begins...
Some of you know that I'm a writer. Not a published one but a writer none-the-less. I have stories inside of me and I see them everywhere. My latest attempt at writing is a story about deployment told from a Military Wife point of view. Here is the beginning. Please tell me if this interests you, if you would want to read more or if it lacks the ability to hold your attention. For the record, while my life is in parts of itthe writing itself is fiction. Please be brutal but be kind. If you like, please share it with others you know. I would love to get as much feedback as I can. Thanks for reading.
September 24th
You’ve always called me a cheater; not in a “Are you flirting with the mailman” kinda way but in a “How did you get that ace” kinda way. Well, tonight, I’m admitting to cheating. Not ever on you and not even by getting those aces but with this book. Last night when you gave it to me, you told me to write in it when you go so I can capture our year apart and keep you with me. You’ll write in yours, too, and maybe in that way, we’ll be a bit closer in spite of the distance. Maybe it won’t be a whole year lost. I know you didn’t mean to start it tonight but I need to. So yes, I’m cheating. You see, I’ll have months and months of entries when you aren’t here. Sleepless nights and empty days. Reading them over will only make me miss you more. I wanted one entry to be written while you are still here, warming my pillow with your breath. I needed one that would bring me right back to this moment and this room; one that would bring me right back here to you. It’s like taking one last deep breath before I have to start swimming. Simply put, I couldn’t wait.
Tomorrow you’ll leave us. I know this and yet I sit here and let you sleep. I can hear the steadiness of your breathing and it makes me think of the nights when that would have been my lullaby. Without even meaning to, I’ve taken those nights for granted. Somehow realizing how much they mean and yet forgetting it at the same time. Until now. Now that I’m ready to lose them, I’m suddenly painfully aware how perfect life was in those moments with you. It’s those moments that I’m going to think back on over this next year and wish for.
I want to touch your face and feel the coolness of your skin. I want to kiss you and in some way freeze that moment for both of us. I can’t though. It’s very possible that this just might be the last good sleep you have for a very long time. Waking you up will only bring the sadness back to both of us. I’ve woke several times the last few nights to find you watching me in the moonlight. Much like I am, you were capturing the moments that you’ll miss the most. Your eyes were always on my face; kissing me without even using your mouth. I would smile at you and snuggle in to your arms. Closing my eyes, I would kiss your face. It was my attempt to hide my tears from you. I would touch your skin in hopes of soothing your soul and by doing so soothe mine as well. I’ve learned that sometimes the only way to stop the ache is to touch you until the realness of you replaces the sting of the hurt that is coming.
A million times I’ve wanted to stop the clock. I’ve wanted to find a way to keep things exactly as they are. I want to beg you to stay but I know that it’s not your choice to go. It is your duty but it’s not your choice. As hard as this is on me, I know it’s even harder on you. So I swallow down that plea and simply love you while I have you. I just keep right on going at neck-breaking speed into that brick wall that I know is coming. I have no other way to explain it other than I simply love you that much.
It’s going to be a very long year without you, JP. I can’t tell you the darkness, sadness, emptiness and loneliness that will fill this house. I can’t talk about the moments you’ll miss and the holidays we’ll spend wishing you home. I can’t tell you how the hours will stretch out and the weeks will seem unmovable. I can’t tell you how lost I’ll feel without the scent of you, the nearness of you and the sound of you. Even though you call me your “Writer Girl” sometimes, words fail even me.
You just rolled over in your sleep and reached out until you touched me then you were still again. It’s as if, even in your sleep, you need to know that I’m safe and near. I know that in the weeks and months ahead, you’ll wake up when you reach for me and I’m not there. I know those will be the long nights and empty hours for you. During those nights, know that somewhere….half a world away….I’m reaching for you and having long nights and empty hours, too.
I’m going to go now. I need to touch you, to wake you up and hold you until my tears stop or until sleep steals me away from them. It’s hard to believe that today you are here and tomorrow I will begin the long journey of waiting for you to return to me.
I love you forever and then a bit more.
Love,
Your Girl
September 24th
You’ve always called me a cheater; not in a “Are you flirting with the mailman” kinda way but in a “How did you get that ace” kinda way. Well, tonight, I’m admitting to cheating. Not ever on you and not even by getting those aces but with this book. Last night when you gave it to me, you told me to write in it when you go so I can capture our year apart and keep you with me. You’ll write in yours, too, and maybe in that way, we’ll be a bit closer in spite of the distance. Maybe it won’t be a whole year lost. I know you didn’t mean to start it tonight but I need to. So yes, I’m cheating. You see, I’ll have months and months of entries when you aren’t here. Sleepless nights and empty days. Reading them over will only make me miss you more. I wanted one entry to be written while you are still here, warming my pillow with your breath. I needed one that would bring me right back to this moment and this room; one that would bring me right back here to you. It’s like taking one last deep breath before I have to start swimming. Simply put, I couldn’t wait.
Tomorrow you’ll leave us. I know this and yet I sit here and let you sleep. I can hear the steadiness of your breathing and it makes me think of the nights when that would have been my lullaby. Without even meaning to, I’ve taken those nights for granted. Somehow realizing how much they mean and yet forgetting it at the same time. Until now. Now that I’m ready to lose them, I’m suddenly painfully aware how perfect life was in those moments with you. It’s those moments that I’m going to think back on over this next year and wish for.
I want to touch your face and feel the coolness of your skin. I want to kiss you and in some way freeze that moment for both of us. I can’t though. It’s very possible that this just might be the last good sleep you have for a very long time. Waking you up will only bring the sadness back to both of us. I’ve woke several times the last few nights to find you watching me in the moonlight. Much like I am, you were capturing the moments that you’ll miss the most. Your eyes were always on my face; kissing me without even using your mouth. I would smile at you and snuggle in to your arms. Closing my eyes, I would kiss your face. It was my attempt to hide my tears from you. I would touch your skin in hopes of soothing your soul and by doing so soothe mine as well. I’ve learned that sometimes the only way to stop the ache is to touch you until the realness of you replaces the sting of the hurt that is coming.
A million times I’ve wanted to stop the clock. I’ve wanted to find a way to keep things exactly as they are. I want to beg you to stay but I know that it’s not your choice to go. It is your duty but it’s not your choice. As hard as this is on me, I know it’s even harder on you. So I swallow down that plea and simply love you while I have you. I just keep right on going at neck-breaking speed into that brick wall that I know is coming. I have no other way to explain it other than I simply love you that much.
It’s going to be a very long year without you, JP. I can’t tell you the darkness, sadness, emptiness and loneliness that will fill this house. I can’t talk about the moments you’ll miss and the holidays we’ll spend wishing you home. I can’t tell you how the hours will stretch out and the weeks will seem unmovable. I can’t tell you how lost I’ll feel without the scent of you, the nearness of you and the sound of you. Even though you call me your “Writer Girl” sometimes, words fail even me.
You just rolled over in your sleep and reached out until you touched me then you were still again. It’s as if, even in your sleep, you need to know that I’m safe and near. I know that in the weeks and months ahead, you’ll wake up when you reach for me and I’m not there. I know those will be the long nights and empty hours for you. During those nights, know that somewhere….half a world away….I’m reaching for you and having long nights and empty hours, too.
I’m going to go now. I need to touch you, to wake you up and hold you until my tears stop or until sleep steals me away from them. It’s hard to believe that today you are here and tomorrow I will begin the long journey of waiting for you to return to me.
I love you forever and then a bit more.
Love,
Your Girl
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Wrapping up 35
It's been awhile. I'm sorry. My life has been chaos, craziness and madness. When things get hard, I am known for shutting down, pulling in and disappearing. I focus completely on the task at hand and have no energy left over to give anyone else. I was at that place for awhile and I'm sorry.
Went to Oklahoma about two weeks ago. Checked out the Post (growing up around the Navy means I sometimes forget it's not called a Base), checked out houses and schools and the local McDonald's. :) Yup, their fries will do just fine. The wind blows there....most every day. It's kind of funny the things that take you by surprise about a place. I'm pretty much convinced that if we go to OK, my hair will be a Hot Mess (that's my new phrase and I double heart love it) for the next three years. There's some sense of freedom though that comes to simply resigning yourself to messy hair. Kinda like, you now have time to focus on things of more importance.
Still no orders....so for now, we sit and wait. Kinda like that runner on the starting line waiting for the gun. What else can you do?? My Sexy Beast re-enlists tomorrow. I'm so proud of him and it breaks my heart that I won't be there. I'm fully aware that he's not just promising that HE'LL give the Army as much time as they want. He's promising that WE'LL give the Army as much time as they want. He's signing his name and taking that oath but there will be four more names that aren't seen but are there just the same. Only one voice will speak the creed and make the promise but there will be four other lives living it and making the sacrifices as well. The unseen ones but just as real. I wish I could be there to shed my tears, kiss his face and stand a bit taller when I'm once again reminded that I married a hero. I wish that I could be there to remind him that it's his choice but our journey. He has promised me a photo though and it will be one that I frame and treasure. It will be a reminder of his commitment....of our commitment....our life.
So...drama ensued while I was in Oklahoma. Go figure. Four days with my husband and I can't simply enjoy, relax and memorize those moments. Veder (ex husband 1) rushed out and filed papers for custody of my oldest son (The Teen). Not because I'm a bad mom but because at 14, my son was freaking out about moving. So instead of talking to me about it and both us getting on the same page....he chose the other route. It was a week of sheer hell for me. Tears, heartaches (literally) and sadness. There is no need to rehash what happened (because I'll just get mad again) but needless to say, I did not just give in. After much talking, praying and several agonizing days, we have settled this temporary madness. End result is.... The Teen IS going to Oklahoma. Gee....who knew?? Grrr! Ah, the joy in breathing again.
I had a birthday yesterday! I love love love my birthday. I always wake up early and feel that GREAT things are bound to happen simply because it is my birthday! And I'm right! Yesterday was a great day. My friends blew up my facebook page reminding me that I'm not alone. Talked to Zona (BFF) for about an hour. Opened birthday boxes. Spent time with sweet Bella (who made me laugh all night) and then came home and Skyped with my husband. He called me Beautiful and I cannot tell you how that makes my heart fill. Moms (my MIL) made me a beautiful bouquet of silk flowers that perfectly matches my wedding bouquet. I was instantly back on that beach standing barefoot while I married my soldier. Such a perfect day! I've pretty much decided that I'm going to rock 36!
I guess that's all for now. My dog needs to go out, there are dishes to wash, laundry to fold and groceries to buy (oh yeah, once again GOD BLESS the commissary and the fact that I was able to get my military ID during our Oklahoma visit!!!). I have life to live and the faster I make it through this day, the closer I am to my new life! I'll write more later but for now, life waits.
The rest will come......
Went to Oklahoma about two weeks ago. Checked out the Post (growing up around the Navy means I sometimes forget it's not called a Base), checked out houses and schools and the local McDonald's. :) Yup, their fries will do just fine. The wind blows there....most every day. It's kind of funny the things that take you by surprise about a place. I'm pretty much convinced that if we go to OK, my hair will be a Hot Mess (that's my new phrase and I double heart love it) for the next three years. There's some sense of freedom though that comes to simply resigning yourself to messy hair. Kinda like, you now have time to focus on things of more importance.
Still no orders....so for now, we sit and wait. Kinda like that runner on the starting line waiting for the gun. What else can you do?? My Sexy Beast re-enlists tomorrow. I'm so proud of him and it breaks my heart that I won't be there. I'm fully aware that he's not just promising that HE'LL give the Army as much time as they want. He's promising that WE'LL give the Army as much time as they want. He's signing his name and taking that oath but there will be four more names that aren't seen but are there just the same. Only one voice will speak the creed and make the promise but there will be four other lives living it and making the sacrifices as well. The unseen ones but just as real. I wish I could be there to shed my tears, kiss his face and stand a bit taller when I'm once again reminded that I married a hero. I wish that I could be there to remind him that it's his choice but our journey. He has promised me a photo though and it will be one that I frame and treasure. It will be a reminder of his commitment....of our commitment....our life.
So...drama ensued while I was in Oklahoma. Go figure. Four days with my husband and I can't simply enjoy, relax and memorize those moments. Veder (ex husband 1) rushed out and filed papers for custody of my oldest son (The Teen). Not because I'm a bad mom but because at 14, my son was freaking out about moving. So instead of talking to me about it and both us getting on the same page....he chose the other route. It was a week of sheer hell for me. Tears, heartaches (literally) and sadness. There is no need to rehash what happened (because I'll just get mad again) but needless to say, I did not just give in. After much talking, praying and several agonizing days, we have settled this temporary madness. End result is.... The Teen IS going to Oklahoma. Gee....who knew?? Grrr! Ah, the joy in breathing again.
I had a birthday yesterday! I love love love my birthday. I always wake up early and feel that GREAT things are bound to happen simply because it is my birthday! And I'm right! Yesterday was a great day. My friends blew up my facebook page reminding me that I'm not alone. Talked to Zona (BFF) for about an hour. Opened birthday boxes. Spent time with sweet Bella (who made me laugh all night) and then came home and Skyped with my husband. He called me Beautiful and I cannot tell you how that makes my heart fill. Moms (my MIL) made me a beautiful bouquet of silk flowers that perfectly matches my wedding bouquet. I was instantly back on that beach standing barefoot while I married my soldier. Such a perfect day! I've pretty much decided that I'm going to rock 36!
I guess that's all for now. My dog needs to go out, there are dishes to wash, laundry to fold and groceries to buy (oh yeah, once again GOD BLESS the commissary and the fact that I was able to get my military ID during our Oklahoma visit!!!). I have life to live and the faster I make it through this day, the closer I am to my new life! I'll write more later but for now, life waits.
The rest will come......
Monday, May 31, 2010
The Canyon
I am at a loss for words to write. Somehow you've managed to take them from me. It hurts but nowhere near as much as the other things that you are trying to take from me. He says that you love him enough to want him to choose what he wants. I love him enough to want what's best for him. Isn't that the difference in being a friend and being a parent? That is the great canyon of difference between you and I.
And yet when all is said and done, I know that I'll be able to say that I always did my best and I never failed him. Can you? Don't answer...those are the questions that you can only answer honestly within yourself. And I'm not sure that you are even able to do that.
And yet when all is said and done, I know that I'll be able to say that I always did my best and I never failed him. Can you? Don't answer...those are the questions that you can only answer honestly within yourself. And I'm not sure that you are even able to do that.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Where Did I Come From?
Where was it exactly that I crossed the threshold to needing to dye my hair, go to the gym and use sunscreen?
Where was I exactly when I could no longer justify spending half a paycheck on clothes and shoes?
When did I become so boring that I couldn't simply jump in the car and take off for the night, a weekend or forever?
Where did this women come from who knows about Drain-O, OxiClean and Magic Erasers?
Where did I get these comfortable shoes, laugh lines and over sized purses?
Where did I come from?
When did I start carrying napkins, straws and band-aids in my car?
Where is the girl who wore short shorts, mini skirts and belly shirts?
When did I become so good at catching cookie thieves, instigating tickle fights and mopping up apple juice?
Where did I learn exactly when to smile at you in order to make you smile, too?
Where did I learn to cook dinner, do fractions and fold laundry at the same time?
When did I stop worrying about fitting in, moving up and getting paid more?
When did I start instead hanging on, lifting higher and working harder?
Where did I learn to erase bad dreams, hurt feelings and ink marks on clothes?
Looking at the woman I've become, I can't help but wonder "Where did I come from?"
And then you smile at me and suddenly I understand.
Just as you came from me....maybe, perhaps, I came from you, too.
Where was I exactly when I could no longer justify spending half a paycheck on clothes and shoes?
When did I become so boring that I couldn't simply jump in the car and take off for the night, a weekend or forever?
Where did this women come from who knows about Drain-O, OxiClean and Magic Erasers?
Where did I get these comfortable shoes, laugh lines and over sized purses?
Where did I come from?
When did I start carrying napkins, straws and band-aids in my car?
Where is the girl who wore short shorts, mini skirts and belly shirts?
When did I become so good at catching cookie thieves, instigating tickle fights and mopping up apple juice?
Where did I learn exactly when to smile at you in order to make you smile, too?
Where did I learn to cook dinner, do fractions and fold laundry at the same time?
When did I stop worrying about fitting in, moving up and getting paid more?
When did I start instead hanging on, lifting higher and working harder?
Where did I learn to erase bad dreams, hurt feelings and ink marks on clothes?
Looking at the woman I've become, I can't help but wonder "Where did I come from?"
And then you smile at me and suddenly I understand.
Just as you came from me....maybe, perhaps, I came from you, too.
Affectionately know as......
I'm the master of nicknames. I don't know why exactly except that in some ways, it allows me to tell stories I wouldn't otherwise be able to tell. It allows me to protect the innocent although I never try and protect the guilty. It's simply one of the quirky things about me. I figure though if I'm going to be writing blogs I should at least do a casting call of the players in this beautiful medley of my life.
Main Characters
Husband - Crash, My Pet Monster, Lover Boy, Mr. Hockey, Mav, Sexy Beast (and any other random name I come up with as whim hits)
Son #1 - Attitude, George, Moe, The teen
Son #2 - Smidge, Dr. Ross, Larry, Thing 1
Son #3 - The (Crazy) Bull, DJ, Curly, Thing 2
Our pooch - Mems, Mem Phi, Memsy, and sometimes even her real name...Memphis Blue.
The BFF - Zona or Z (we met on the playground in 5th grade. Believe me when I say, swing set friendships really can last 20 years! She has always known when my heart ached and without a doubt knows me better than I know myself..)
Supporting Cast
Beaumont - previous Marine who works too hard, loves her family and hates being kept in the dark about anything. Comes to me for advice, to vent and when she needs a swift kick in the butt.
Panda (also known as Big A) - Little sister and an exact opposite of me in all ways. We've been through a lot and are starting to find our way. She knows without question that I'll be there.
Big A's Offspring (all four boys) - Banjo Pete, Iz, Little A, and Newest Addition (who I haven't met so I have not yet named.)
Big A's Husband - Uncle Peach
Cajun - Sassy, Louisiana girl who is NOT Cajun but certainly has the attitude! She's had my back for the last 11 years and even though life gets busy, we always pick up right where we left off and I know that we'll be friends for the rest of our lives. She is one person who can always make me laugh.
Moms and Pops - My in laws
Sissy - My sister in law
Bella - No crazy name for her. She's not the type you give a nickname, too. She has always been the calming voice that says "It will be just fine." I'm learning she's right.
Crazy Man - My older brother and the reason Lover Boy and I met (a great story that will be blogged about someday soon, I promise). I guess my brother really is my keeper. I think I owe that man a drink!
The Intern - The President of the Lover Boy fan club. Every day she would say, "You're totally going to marry this guy." And that was before I ever even met him face to face. So much for subliminal messages! I think he owes her a drink!
Leileigh - Separated by miles and years but somehow that doesn't seem to matter. After 7 years, she's accepted the fact that sometimes I just disappear and I've accepted the fact that she's not just going to let me.
Nay - She has seen me at my best and worse just as I've seen her. We have more stories with Code Names than you would ever believe! (Aunt Jemima, Joe Dirt, Air Force One, Dr. Love) And I think what makes us even closer is that the villains in my stories are some of the same villains in her stories. Gotta love small towns!
Kayyon - The only teenage girl I know who really makes me wish that I had been given a daughter. The combintation of silliness, clumsiness and randomness makes her beautifully perfect.
Murme - I met her simply because she was on the side of the road. I've seen her grow and change and start reaching for what she wants and I'm so very proud of her.
Baconator - The best boss I've ever had and in a matter of a few months we've also become very good friends and gym partners!
Veder - Ex husband #1 (named for his love of Pearl Jam and father to George)
Propane - Ex husband #2 (named for his propane heater installation business and father to Thing 1 and Thing 2)
Stocks - the horse girl who works at the farm and sometimes needs to hear my brutal honesty to set her straight.
Carey - wears ugly shoes and rides her bicycle for miles and miles. In spite of all that, she's one of the closest friends I have because she just listens until I can hear the answers for myself. And we never fight over the same pair of shoes in the store!
OK....it's a long list but there will be no quiz later. My nemesis didn't make it on to this list because really they don't deserve to. I'm learning who they are doesn't really matter. Given enough time, they'll fade away. I've probably managed to miss someone but for now this is a good start. I can add on as I go.....because who knows who might be waiting for me down the road!
Main Characters
Husband - Crash, My Pet Monster, Lover Boy, Mr. Hockey, Mav, Sexy Beast (and any other random name I come up with as whim hits)
Son #1 - Attitude, George, Moe, The teen
Son #2 - Smidge, Dr. Ross, Larry, Thing 1
Son #3 - The (Crazy) Bull, DJ, Curly, Thing 2
Our pooch - Mems, Mem Phi, Memsy, and sometimes even her real name...Memphis Blue.
The BFF - Zona or Z (we met on the playground in 5th grade. Believe me when I say, swing set friendships really can last 20 years! She has always known when my heart ached and without a doubt knows me better than I know myself..)
Supporting Cast
Beaumont - previous Marine who works too hard, loves her family and hates being kept in the dark about anything. Comes to me for advice, to vent and when she needs a swift kick in the butt.
Panda (also known as Big A) - Little sister and an exact opposite of me in all ways. We've been through a lot and are starting to find our way. She knows without question that I'll be there.
Big A's Offspring (all four boys) - Banjo Pete, Iz, Little A, and Newest Addition (who I haven't met so I have not yet named.)
Big A's Husband - Uncle Peach
Cajun - Sassy, Louisiana girl who is NOT Cajun but certainly has the attitude! She's had my back for the last 11 years and even though life gets busy, we always pick up right where we left off and I know that we'll be friends for the rest of our lives. She is one person who can always make me laugh.
Moms and Pops - My in laws
Sissy - My sister in law
Bella - No crazy name for her. She's not the type you give a nickname, too. She has always been the calming voice that says "It will be just fine." I'm learning she's right.
Crazy Man - My older brother and the reason Lover Boy and I met (a great story that will be blogged about someday soon, I promise). I guess my brother really is my keeper. I think I owe that man a drink!
The Intern - The President of the Lover Boy fan club. Every day she would say, "You're totally going to marry this guy." And that was before I ever even met him face to face. So much for subliminal messages! I think he owes her a drink!
Leileigh - Separated by miles and years but somehow that doesn't seem to matter. After 7 years, she's accepted the fact that sometimes I just disappear and I've accepted the fact that she's not just going to let me.
Nay - She has seen me at my best and worse just as I've seen her. We have more stories with Code Names than you would ever believe! (Aunt Jemima, Joe Dirt, Air Force One, Dr. Love) And I think what makes us even closer is that the villains in my stories are some of the same villains in her stories. Gotta love small towns!
Kayyon - The only teenage girl I know who really makes me wish that I had been given a daughter. The combintation of silliness, clumsiness and randomness makes her beautifully perfect.
Murme - I met her simply because she was on the side of the road. I've seen her grow and change and start reaching for what she wants and I'm so very proud of her.
Baconator - The best boss I've ever had and in a matter of a few months we've also become very good friends and gym partners!
Veder - Ex husband #1 (named for his love of Pearl Jam and father to George)
Propane - Ex husband #2 (named for his propane heater installation business and father to Thing 1 and Thing 2)
Stocks - the horse girl who works at the farm and sometimes needs to hear my brutal honesty to set her straight.
Carey - wears ugly shoes and rides her bicycle for miles and miles. In spite of all that, she's one of the closest friends I have because she just listens until I can hear the answers for myself. And we never fight over the same pair of shoes in the store!
OK....it's a long list but there will be no quiz later. My nemesis didn't make it on to this list because really they don't deserve to. I'm learning who they are doesn't really matter. Given enough time, they'll fade away. I've probably managed to miss someone but for now this is a good start. I can add on as I go.....because who knows who might be waiting for me down the road!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My Head is Spinning
I just spent the last hour catching up on all the blogs I follow. I swear I'm like a crack addict. I love having glimpses in the windows of other people's lives (wait, does that make me a Peeping Tom?).
It's certainly been a crazy week so let's start at the beginning and go from there.
I was found on Facebook. OK I wasn't hiding or anything but I also didn't realize that someone was actually looking for me. Seems that they were though.
I'm an orphan. Not a "I never knew my parents" orphan but an orphan none-the-less. I spent the last two years of high school living in a foster. When my mom died, it wasn't long before I lost contact with her family. Her nine brothers and sisters were spread out from one end of the country to the other. And then there I was...living in the state that was as far east and north as you could go. You can understand how it's easy to discover one day that you've managed to slip away. So there I was...floating along until the other day when I was found. My Facebook Friends list now includes.....cousins and an aunt. Who knew?? This "being part of a family" thing is something that I thought I had forgotten but maybe I was wrong. There is something very reassuring about having someone who remembers you when you were still a child. I'm excited.
"Propane" called me this morning to talk. (Propane is my ex husband and so named because of the heater installation company he owns). I dropped a huge bomb on him last week when I told him that Sexy Beast is probably going to get orders to Oklahoma. Since that conversation I have done nothing. I didn't hound, nag or annoy. I simply let him sit with it. Think about it, talk to the boys and come to his on decisions. I stayed quiet. I waited. And I prayed. He called me today to tell me that he won't fight me on moving the boys. I realized once again how important prayer and silence are. I'm thankful beyond words and I have a great respect for him for allowing the boys to choose what they want. Another hurdle crossed.
Finally, I'll see Sexy Beast on Saturday. SATURDAY!! As in, a few days away! I'm so flippin' excited. I have not seen him since March 21st (two days after our wedding). It's been a lonely two months and I'm glad that I don't have to wait much longer. I'm not going to Alaska to see him. We are both going to fly into Oklahoma and spend a few days checking out the area. That way if his orders are cut like they most likely will be, we'll know more about the area. A trip to Oklahoma doesn't really count as a honeymoon though, does it??
Ahhh, it's getting late and I need to get to bed. The sooner I do the closer I am to Saturday and right now, all I'm waiting for is to kiss his face. For a very long time.
It's certainly been a crazy week so let's start at the beginning and go from there.
I was found on Facebook. OK I wasn't hiding or anything but I also didn't realize that someone was actually looking for me. Seems that they were though.
I'm an orphan. Not a "I never knew my parents" orphan but an orphan none-the-less. I spent the last two years of high school living in a foster. When my mom died, it wasn't long before I lost contact with her family. Her nine brothers and sisters were spread out from one end of the country to the other. And then there I was...living in the state that was as far east and north as you could go. You can understand how it's easy to discover one day that you've managed to slip away. So there I was...floating along until the other day when I was found. My Facebook Friends list now includes.....cousins and an aunt. Who knew?? This "being part of a family" thing is something that I thought I had forgotten but maybe I was wrong. There is something very reassuring about having someone who remembers you when you were still a child. I'm excited.
"Propane" called me this morning to talk. (Propane is my ex husband and so named because of the heater installation company he owns). I dropped a huge bomb on him last week when I told him that Sexy Beast is probably going to get orders to Oklahoma. Since that conversation I have done nothing. I didn't hound, nag or annoy. I simply let him sit with it. Think about it, talk to the boys and come to his on decisions. I stayed quiet. I waited. And I prayed. He called me today to tell me that he won't fight me on moving the boys. I realized once again how important prayer and silence are. I'm thankful beyond words and I have a great respect for him for allowing the boys to choose what they want. Another hurdle crossed.
Finally, I'll see Sexy Beast on Saturday. SATURDAY!! As in, a few days away! I'm so flippin' excited. I have not seen him since March 21st (two days after our wedding). It's been a lonely two months and I'm glad that I don't have to wait much longer. I'm not going to Alaska to see him. We are both going to fly into Oklahoma and spend a few days checking out the area. That way if his orders are cut like they most likely will be, we'll know more about the area. A trip to Oklahoma doesn't really count as a honeymoon though, does it??
Ahhh, it's getting late and I need to get to bed. The sooner I do the closer I am to Saturday and right now, all I'm waiting for is to kiss his face. For a very long time.
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